ReneeSande
writer
Surprised By Love
How a Spokane couple's serendipitous encounter changed their minds about marriage
Araceli Rivera didn't want to see anyone.
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Feeling under the weather, and like she looked as rough as she felt, she just wanted to get a hot apple cider from the Starbucks drive-thru and be on her way. But the location nearest her former home in Madera, California, didn't have a drive-thru, so she drove across town instead.
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When she got there, the line was out to the street. Yet right in front of the door was an open parking space.
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"OK, I guess I'm doing this," she thought to herself.
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Andrew DaSilva doesn't even like coffee. He was just passing through Madera and needed to use the restroom.
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"I'm walking in and he's walking out of the bathroom and smiles at me," Rivera recalls. "And I think, 'He's extremely good-looking.' His dimples really got me."
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Convinced she'd never see him again, she got in line to order.
Love & Life Stories
ShanoahBriPhotography
"Pretty soon, I realize he's behind me. I was so nervous... I have sniffles and I don't look great," she says. "Then I order, but I can't find my debit card. I'm beyond embarrassed at this point as I hear him ask, 'How much is it?'"
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Immediately taken by her beauty, DaSilva had been trying to figure out a reason to talk to her.
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"When I saw that she didn't have her card, I thought, 'This is my chance!'"
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Rivera told him she'd pay him back, to which he replied: "Have your drink with me and we'll call it even."
They sat outside talking for over two hours.
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"We talked every day over the next two weeks. He lived an hour north. But we finally made a second date. We saw a movie and went to... Starbucks," Rivera says, laughing.
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A decade later and the couple, now living in Spokane, is readying for their June 24 wedding. But it isn't what they initially planned.
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Rivera and DaSilva agreed at the beginning of their relationship that they'd probably never get married, as both come from unstable families and didn't have a great opinion of marriage. Just before their fateful meeting, Rivera had exited a domestic violence situation.
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"I had given up on love. I was very content just living my life at that point," she says.
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However, that feeling slowly changed over the years.
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"I knew she was always the one, but when we reached our 10-year anniversary, I knew I couldn't picture life without her as my wife," DaSilva says. "I would give her the world if I could."
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"It was all so serendipitous," Rivera says. "I had moved to Madera after having got back together with my ex. Sometimes I think, 'If only I could go back and do things differently,' to not have those memories of a toxic marriage... but then I think everything happened for a reason and maybe that reason was so that I would eventually meet Andrew."
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The couple's June 24 ceremony will be an intimate event at Arbor Crest Wine Cellars with Rivera's son and daughter officiating.
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"Andrew has always been such a good 'bonus' father to my children. The most important part of the day is going to be the unity of our families and getting to interact with these beautiful people that have supported us and been a part of our relationship," she says.
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Plans for their future include buying a house and VIP tickets to a San Francisco 49ers game for a belated honeymoon.
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For now, their love of impromptu adventures, hanging out with their two Maltese-Shih Tzus, visiting breweries, listening to live music and having date night once a week fills their buckets.
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And making sure to show their appreciation of each other.
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"I just love how she's always thinking about other people. It doesn't matter what it is," DaSilva says. "She can be starving, but she's going to make sure she makes you something and that you eat before she thinks of herself. She's very selfless."
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Rivera gets emotional as he says this.
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"I never thought I would marry again, then walked Andrew into my life and showed me what it's like to fully, unconditionally love. When I saw him with my soul and not my eyes is when I realized that it would be my biggest honor to be his wife."
Published in the Inlander, February 22, 2024 edition.
Legendary Silent Screen Actress/Producer Holds Special Place in Priest Lake History
Listen closely to the sounds of Priest Lake and you can almost hear its rich history swirling around you in the southwest winds sweeping in off the water; listen closer and you may even hear a faint “roll camera” or “that’s a wrap.”
Visit the lake’s north end and you’ll see Shipman Point, named after famed silent-screen star, Nell Shipman, who brought her movie-production company to the shores of Priest, looking for a more authentic movie-making experience than Hollywood could offer; close by you’ll see what some say is the cabin she lived in. The 1-bed, 1-bath 732-square foot cabin was recently up for sale for a mere $1.2 million, but now is currently off the market.
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While it’s been said that the cabin Shipman built - called “The Priest Lake People's Theater” - burnt to the ground in the 1930’s, inference could be made that there was more than one cabin built to house her production team at her “movie camp,” of four years, named Lionhead Lodge.
“There’s no proof the cabin belonged to Nell,” said Priest Lake Museum president, Carlos Landa. “It very well could have; we just haven’t found that info.”
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During the summer, the museum featured a Nell Shipman display, celebrating the 100th anniversary of the iconic Canadian-American actress’ residence on the lake.
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“She was quite the lady,” said Landa.​
By 1915, Shipman had become one of Hollywood’s most influential women, writing and starring in one of the most successful silent Canadian films of all time — God’s Country and the Women. Truly a pioneer, she was a feminist, environmentalist and devoted animals’ right activist when few understood what any of those terms meant.
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“Did you ever come to a place and instantly recognize it as…the one spot in all God’s world where you belonged,” said Shipman, according to online magazine, citylifestyle.com.
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Unfortunately, by 1925, a changing film industry had created financial strain on Shipman’s company that she couldn’t overcome; she sadly left Idaho and never returned. However, in her autobiography written shortly before her death in 1970, she remembered Priest Lake as the place where she achieved her artistic ideals while being true to her independent spirit.
Published in Sandpoint Magazine, Winter 2024 edition.
A Match Made
in Heaven
A Spokane couple reflects on their 30-year marriage and how they first met
"Tim Warner," she says in the direction of his home office, her playful smile belying her deadpan tone.
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I've invaded the home of my friend, Laurel Warner, and her husband, Tim, to find out how they've made it to 30 years married, including navigating a pretty serious health issue. Knowing Laurel, I know humor plays a big part.
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After some catch-up chitchat, and still no Tim, Laurel says it again: "Tim Warner." This time, he appears with an appeasing grin.
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We sit at the table, and while I know their story is going to be sweeter than I realized, as it unfolds she tells me that his full name, Tim Warner, is her "nickname" for him. I can't help but feel like this is because these are two of her most beloved words, and that every time she says them, it's like she's reminding herself just how lucky she is that Tim Warner chose her.
It's the first day of kindergarten. Laurel sees him across the hallway. Tim's really not happy to be there. She feels quite the opposite, and so the love affair begins.
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First grade rolls around and the two become inseparable, hanging out at recess, throwing tennis balls against the wall.
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"We were just friends, but I didn't hang out with any other girls," Tim says. "We were just always that way."
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By middle school he wants to ask her out, but it's not until high school that he finally gets the nerve to tell her how he feels.
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"He would write me long letters about why we needed to be together and what he saw in me, and he would leave them on my car," Laurel says.
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Growing up in a dysfunctional family, it was hard for Laurel to accept that he saw so much in her.
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"I thought he was out of my league because I was so crazy in high school and he was so calm," she says. "From the get-go, he was different from the rest. He didn't try to buy me flowers or outdo anyone... It was just about being together."
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By their second date she knew Tim was the one. But in the summer before their junior year, Laurel's mom died unexpectedly, throwing her whole life into a tailspin. She rebelled, transferring from schools, partying nonstop and spending almost every Saturday in detention.
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"She was definitely a little too much for me then," Tim says. "We didn't really talk."
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Then, after a wild year, Laurel returned to West Valley and worked hard to graduate with her class.
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"We talked about getting back together, but I was still dating someone else," she says. "I remember Tim asking me, 'What are you doing?!' And I said, 'I really don't know.' But he waited. He was so patient. This is why I wholeheartedly believe he was hand-picked by God and my mom — because I needed that stability."
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​​After graduating and finally together, Tim and Laurel headed to Eastern Washington University, feeling like things were finally starting to go their way. But again, life had other plans.
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At the age of 20, Tim was diagnosed with ventricular tachycardia, his heart beating too fast to pump enough oxygenated blood through his body.
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"I had [tachycardia] four times in 10 days," he says. "It usually kills you the first time. Even though they told me I would need a heart transplant someday, it seemed so far away and I was so active, it didn't slow me down."
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Even with this looming reality, the two fell into somewhat of a normal life, getting married three years later. Fast-forward through years of long workdays and staying active, and at 33 years old Tim was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.
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"We were moving into our newly built house, talking about having kids... and I'm like, 'Is this really happening now?!'" Laurel recalls.
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They decided to have kids first and get Tim on a heart transplant waitlist.
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"When you get a heart transplant, if it doesn't take, you're done," Tim says. "We had two young boys by this time. I wanted to monitor the technology, which just kept getting better."
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Ten years later, it was Tim's turn for a transplant. This year, the couple celebrated the 10th anniversary of that very surreal time in their life.
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"After he got his new heart, I fell in love with him all over again," Laurel says. "Our life just evolved so drastically. Four months post-transplant, we were hiking, biking — things we hadn't been able to do as a family, ever."
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"If anything, something like this draws you closer," Tim says. "Before, I couldn't imagine going through life without her, but now it's a whole new level. It's indescribable."
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Published in the Inlander, December 7-13, 2023 edition.
Whitworth University's Patricia Bruininks Ponders the Meaning
of Hope
Patricia Bruininks had no idea she would study hope when she attended Hope College in Michigan as an undergraduate in the mid-1990s. Perhaps it was a sign, though, of where her path would take her.
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It wasn't until she made her way to the University of Oregon for her doctorate in social psychology and was studying decision-making that she became curious about what are called "anticipatory" emotions — feelings like desire, want, wishing and hope.
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"I thought how do emotions like hope or fear affect the decisions you make or even your decision-making strategies? Then I got interested in what exactly is hope and how do you define it and how is that different from optimism," Bruininks said.
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So what defines hope? "It turns out hope gives you a little bit more license, there's more possibility; optimism is a bit more tied to reality — it's based on likelihood and probability." Think of it like this: While optimism may be seriously tamped down when the chances of success are minimal, we can still hold out a glimmer of hope.
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As a professor at Whitworth University for 16 years, in addition to teaching courses like stats and senior thesis, Bruininks has created her own classes into which she says "hope is inherently woven," including Psychology of Poverty, Psychology of Emotion, and Psychology of Consumerism.
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"I get bored really easily so I create courses," Bruininks says with a laugh. "I've been really lucky that I'm able to do that here."
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Named most influential professor in 2010 and 2018, her courses are popular among students.
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"I think what appeals to them so much about the topic [of hope] is how much they need it right now," she says. "It's especially relevant given the world today — climate change, the disrespect between political parties, the lack of trust in institutions — or really, what it will look like 30 years from now."
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Bruininks, who has two grown sons and enjoys camping and photography, is also an avid traveler. She's led student trips to Tanzania to explore the psychology of poverty, including not only the effects of deficiencies in material goods, but also the spiritual and social implications for people experiencing poverty.
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"I would see these [Tanzanian] kids just playing, and while they had so little, they were so joyful. The contrast was eye-opening. I just felt so bad for American children. Like we have so much, but yet we're so lacking," reflects Bruininks. "This joyfulness, I don't even see it in my life, yet I lead a very comfortable life."
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To study poverty in the U.S. firsthand, a few years ago Bruininks conducted an "urban plunge" into the homelessness situation in Spokane. It was eye-opening for both the professor and her students. "Probably the best church service I've ever been to was at the House of Charity. They were the most real and raw people. It just blows your conception of what community means. I learned just how much I didn't know about that whole culture," she says.
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After the class, students expressed how the plunge changed their attitudes about people they otherwise would have avoided. "They would instead try to talk to them," Bruininks says. "It's just people being people, it's seeing similarities with people whom you think you couldn't be more different from."
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Bruininks is looking forward to resuming her cross-cultural investigation into hope, with early-stage plans for returning to Tanzania. "I'm really interested in the language of hope, like what do we mean when we say we're 'hoping'? How do we communicate that with each other? How do other cultures communicate that? Or do they?" Bruininks says. "How we [in the U.S.] openly talk about emotion is really unusual worldwide. In some countries, it's just something that occurs between two people, and they're not open to sharing with strangers necessarily. I want to figure that out."
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And she's looking forward to her consistently sold-out January term course, called Love, Altruism and Forgiveness. (Each January, Whitworth students spend the month focused on a single class.)
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"Oh my gosh, I love that class," Bruininks says. "The class shows them the immense power of love, why love isn't perfect and how we connect this to hope. We look at altruism from an evolutionary perspective, and they — hopefully — gain an appreciation for its presence, not only in humans but also in animals. They explore why compassion is difficult to engage in at times. And they see the hope in forgiveness," Bruininks explains.
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"On the last day of class, each person shares how they have seen love in their own lives. I am always moved by how powerful their stories are and how vulnerable they are willing to be with one another."
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Published in the Inlander Health & Home Magazine, October-November 2023.
When OkCupid.com linked up Amy Oliveria and Aubrey Perry, the little cherub’s arrow—although on the right course—took awhile getting to its target.
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The website had appealed to both online dating newcomers’ hopes that they would meet that perfect someone. However, when Aubrey first contacted Amy, it took her awhile to realize he was, in fact, Mr. Perfect-for-her himself.
Cupid Did More Than "Ok" with This Perfect-Together Couple
“What made me contact her, outside of our "match rating," was this fun picture of her that looked like she was kissing a wax model of Brad Pitt,” said Aubrey. “To me…it said she was lively, fun, and someone that was fun to be around. She was also very pretty! Apparently, though, my message didn't make an instant impression because she replied a few days later, but it was short.”
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In fact, it wasn’t until six months later, in May 2009, after Amy’s prior relationship had “crashed and burned,” that she found Aubrey’s email in her in-box and gave it another thought.
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The two Portland, Oregon transplants—Amy from Coeur d’Alene and Aubrey from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma—knew they had a lot in common from their online profiles, but soon found out there was more. They were both graduate students at Portland State University, shared the same faith, both loved coffee, the same music, movies and TV shows, and enjoyed spending time playing board games.
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So after a whirlwind week of emails and text messages about “super romantic topics like cornbread, musicals, and the best sandwich places in Portland,” they decided it was time they meet, choosing a cool jazz club in downtown Portland, called Jimmy Mak's.
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Aubrey's first thought when he saw Amy was, "Dang...she's even better looking in person." Amy's first thought was "I don't think he's actually 5'9...he seems shorter."
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A bottle of white wine later and they knew it was something special. A woman nearby even commented on what a cute couple they were and asked how long they'd been together.
It was obvious; they had found their perfect fit.
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“Aubrey is fun and goofy, full of life, and a very authentic person; he taught me Latin dance steps in a Regal Cinemas parking lot on our second date,” laughs Amy. “He’s also thoughtful and a good listener—he has this notebook that he writes things down in to remember, like when he brought me my favorite cookie on that same date.”
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However, that date was the last they would see each other in person for the following two weeks, except for 30 minutes in the Portland airport.
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Aubrey had flown home for a week and was just returning the day Amy’s plane was taking off to fly her home for the following week. Although brief, the reunion reinforced what they both had felt—that their relationship was quickly taking off as well.
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Two years later—after many trips to Canon Beach, spending rainy days reading in cozy coffee shops and nights listening to local music, eating chocolate covered Nutter-Butters and playing Monopoly—Aubrey proposed, surprising Amy at the Portland Rose Garden, where she thought she was just taking a stroll with a friend.
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With the big date set for August 24th, 2012, at the historic Eliot Chapel in Portland, the couple is finding it difficult at times to balance school and planning a wedding but just keep looking forward to the day they’ll be married to their best friend.
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Like the relationship that was well worth waiting for, Amy and Aubrey know that a long life together—filled with the promise of laughter and daily adventure where they continue to explore the great city of Portland and all that life beyond has to offer—is waiting patiently for them on the other side.
Finding Each Other Took Years Even Though They Lived Only Blocks Apart
Elizabeth Spradley and Eric Regalado both knew it was no ordinary introduction.
Growing up only blocks from each other, they only just met when mutual friends introduced them.
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“Although we were both dating other people, I remember thinking ‘Gosh, this guy would be perfect for me,” said Elizabeth.
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“I’d always heard that ‘you’ll just know’…my mom would say that,” said Eric. “but I never really understood how that could happen…until I met Elizabeth.”
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Over the next year, they would see each other off and on when their friends would get together, easily talking for hours and finding they had a lot of in common, including their spiritual beliefs, sense of humor, camping, hiking, and staying fit.
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“I noticed early on that we would finish each other’s sentences,” said Eric.
​Then in July, 2010, they started hanging out more, becoming closer as friends. As both of them were single by this time, their friendship quickly blossomed and the two were dating by August.
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It didn’t take long for the couple to start talking about marriage and looking at wedding rings. So on December 15th, after a romantic dinner, Eric drove Elizabeth to Cliff Drive where he planned to present her with a box. But the box was empty.
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“I gave her a tacky little spiel about how I couldn’t afford to give her anything but a box of my love,” said Eric. “I’m kind of a sap – I do have a romantic side.”
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Elizabeth only sweetly replied that the box wasn’t big enough to hold all his love, confirming to Eric just how perfect she was for him.
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Surprising to Eric however, was that even though it was a Wednesday night, not to mention very cold, there were four other cars there before them. Stage two of his plan was meant to take place standing outside on the ridge where he could actually get down on bended knee—without an audience.
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Eventually, one by one, the cars left and Eric saw his chance, so he asked Elizabeth if she wanted to go “stand on the edge for a little bit.”
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“It was so cold, and I’d just taken my shoes off, but I was like, ‘Well, ok…,” said Elizabeth, laughing.
Once outside in the freezing cold, Eric knew he needed to act quickly. So he got down on bended knee and…
“To this day, I’m still waiting for a response,” he jokes. Actually, the couple is getting married September 10, 2011.
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Deciding early on to make it almost completely a DIY event, Elizabeth immediately got to work with her mom in mapping out a seriously crafty-chic theme with a palette of burnt orange and cranberry, for the wedding and reception. The couple then enlisted the talents of family and friends to help them pull it off.
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Elizabeth’s mom is making the flowers (if you’re not a believer in silk, you would be after seeing her amazing life-like creations) for everything from the five bridesmaid’s bouquets to napkin rings for 150 people as well as catering the event along with Eric’s aunt.
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“Her mom never stops, and Elizabeth is just like her mom,” said Eric.
“I was nicknamed the Energizer Bunny in high school,” laughed Elizabeth.
Elizabeth is creating the majority of the printed items including the invitations and all the country-styled signs—for their Candy Bar dessert station:; the wedding favor table, where their Hankies for Tears of Joy will be displayed; and for each table, listing funny “Bet-you-didn’t-know” facts about the bride and groom.
As if they aren’t busy enough.
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Elizabeth works three jobs—as a trainer for Crossfit and Oz Fitness and as a coffee barista for Starbucks, and Eric serves at The Melting Pot and is a volunteer firefighter, as well as attends school at EWU.
To top it all off, Eric was in a car accident, through no fault of his own, a few months ago, which left him car-less. Although sharing one car to get everywhere they need to go has made their lives a bit more hectic, when Eric received the settlement, he decided it was a nice chunk of change with which to secure their honeymoon to Cancun, Mexico. Elizabeth agreed.
“And we’re going to be ready!” said Elizabeth.
In addition, Eric’s grandpa will be officiating the ceremony and Eric’s Dad will be constructing props such as their “picture wall” where guests can have fun poking their heads through empty picture frames adorning a faux wall, creating their own photo collage.
Friends are helping out as well. A firehouse buddy from where Eric is a volunteer firefighter, will DJ the event and Eric’s high school photography teacher will be snapping shots of the special day. Also, since the maid-of-honor knew the couple wanted her bouquet and the men’s boutonnières from aNeMone, where the maid-of-honor works, she offered to make the flowers for Elizabeth, as their wedding present.
Both wedding and reception will take place at The Highland Gardens in Deer Park, Wash.
“We were having a hard time finding a place we could afford,” said Eric. “Then we went to look at Highland Gardens and we couldn’t believe how perfect it was.”
So they have most of the details taken care of, but what about those nerves?
“I’m not big on talking in front of people so I’m a little nervous about the vows,” said Eric. “And I’m worried I’m going to trip!” adds Elizabeth. What they’re not nervous about is making the commitment.
“When you meet someone, there’s usually all these questions…but when you meet the right person, in your heart of hearts, you just know this person is made for you,” said Eric. “We’re imperfect people, but we’re perfect for each other.”